Why do I want to know what my ex’s are doing?

Recently, I “stumbled” upon the Instagram account of my ex. When I say stumble, I mean I did a search for him, and his account was the first thing that popped up. I’m one of those people who remain highly (maybe unhealthily) curious about the goings on of people who have touched my life in the past. It was weird because I haven’t spoken to or had any contact with him the last 10 years, and all of sudden, there he was on my screen. And I’m not proud to admit this, but I spent a good hour studying all his posts looking for signs that he had moved on.

Is this normal?

Is it just me, or is this normal? When I talk to my current partner about it, he has no interest whatsoever in knowing what his ex’s are up to and could care less whether they are in a new and happy relationship. So that made me question if I’m abnormal? But then reading many articles on the internet confirms that maybe my partner is abnormal :). In fact, I found this super interesting article that uses scientific reasoning on why you stalk your ex’s girlfriend.

I’m definitely NOT in love with my ex.

I’m actually super happy in my current relationship and honestly have no desire to see or speak to my ex. I suppose what I really am longing for is me 10 to 15 years ago, and what my life was like back then. Again, not that I don’t love my life now, but I guess I’m romanticizing about that time and only seeing the happy memories and ignoring the not so happy ones. I suppose as I’m getting older, I sometimes miss my younger self and seeing images of him or his life, sort of brings me back to that time. Not sure if that makes sense…

I’m giving myself permission to keep doing it… for now

I don’t look at my ex’s social media accounts on a daily basis, just once in a while a memory might pop up, and I’ll think “hey, I wonder what he’s up to right now?” and I’ll go take a quick peek. Whether it’s healthy or not, I’m not going to beat myself up for doing it. The good thing, is that looking at their pictures doesn’t make me upset or miss or hate them. I actually feel happy for them because they seem to have moved on fine and are living their lives – except for one ex, who I am still a little bitter about, so the thoughts about him, aren’t as nice :).

I’m pretty confident that over time, I will eventually get bored and stop doing it, and I’ll learn that it doesn’t matter what they’re doing. My ultimate goal is to just move on, and wish them all the best!

 

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